Life is NEVER Easy . . .

I have learned so many things during my 48 years on this Earth.  The biggest, most important lesson?  Life is NEVER easy.  This is followed by these:

  • Life does not come with an instruction manual. 
  • There is never any one answer to satisfy every situation.
  • One can NEVER please all people.
  • Humans are cruel.
  • Humans are kind.
  • One size will NEVER EVER fit all.

Life is never easy.  For some, it is easier than others but their lives are not necessarily easy.  The struggles I have faced in my life may seem like a walk in the park to others.  I am, by no means, looking for sympathy or cudos.  What I want to share is that adversity can be adapted, overcome, and/or conquered. 

Growing up, I carried a MAJOR chip on my shoulder.  By the time I was 12, life had thrown many curve balls at me.  I was six when one of my mother’s best friend’s husband molested me.  I was eight when my father started running around/cheating on my mother, leaving me to be responsible for my four siblings (6, 5, 4 and 4).  I was 12 when my father said, “See you this weekend” for the 4th of July weekend in 1978. 

That is when life REALLY changed.  I went from “Daddy’s Little Girl” to an angry, mean, and cruel child.  I was hell bent on self-destruction.  I drank.  I smoked.  I had unprotected sex.  Sneaking out of the house and running the streets at night while my mom slept was how I spent a lot of time during the summer. 

There is a consequence to living life like that.  I ended up in a situation where I was raped at 13.  I never spoke of that until I was 18.  The only reason it came out then was because I was drunk.  We were poorer than poor.  It was a GINORMOUS struggle for my mom to be a single parent of five demonic children from hell. 

At 14, I got to see my mom cut up by a drunk asshole with a chainsaw.  That was an interesting time.  The ONLY thing that saved my mom’s life that day was the fact that she was morbidly obese.  I thank God she was.  If she hadn’t been, she would not be here today.  Do I wish she would lose weight again?  Sure.  However, I accept and love her for who and how she is.

She handles depression with food.  I do, too.  Weight has been a struggle for me my entire life.  During my teen years, I was always a size 10.  I maintained a size 10 until I hit my 30s.  When I got out of the Marine Corps in 1997, I was in a size 10/12 – leaning more toward the 12.  When I got re-married in 1998, I was a size 14/16.  By the time the 21st century rolled in, I was into an 18.  The highest I ever got was a 22W.

For almost 13 years, I was locked in a vicious cycle mentally.  I went through periods where I was super, super happy and then there were the dark and twisty times.  It’s in the dark and twisty times I have my hate/hate relationship with food.  It’s during those times when I comfort myself with food. 

I’m not a drinker.  I have an “All or Nothing” type of personality.  I have to do something all the way or not at all.  BUT . . . I also have a problem where if something is all “shiny and sparkly,” I get distracted.  I’m working on that.  For me, it is always a work in progress!

This is only the beginning of my tale.  I will cover more another time.  I will share how life was not easy while married to an abusive man – mentally, physically, and emotionally.  I will share how long it took to get that man out of the forefront of my head-space.  I will share what it was like to be a woman in a man’s world (the Marine Corps).  I will share how I was bat-shit crazy for many years because of all the crap I faced but never really realized just what I was doing to those I love the most.

I hope in telling my story I can help just one person.  I hope to help someone realize when life throws some major curve balls that there is hope.  I want to help someone reach down and find his or her inner strength – to know that every situation can be adapted to, conquered AND overcome.  🙂

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