Consequences . . . My body is suffering the consequences of being obese for so many years. I have no one to blame but myself. No one was holding a gun to my head, telling me to eat all the wonderfully crap-tastic food I ate for so many years. No one was holding me down telling me to lay around on the couch watching hours and hours of TV or playing hours upon hours of games on the computer.
On Tuesday, 12 August, I received the results of the M.R.I. performed on Friday, 8 August. They were not good. I have severe arthritis in the lower back. I have been referred to a neurosurgeon. In the mean time, I’m going to stay the course I’m on. I’m continuing the 21-Day Fix Workouts and am going to really buckle down and follow the meal plan.
I’m ok as long as I’m up and moving around. It’s when I sit for long stretches (which is what my job is all about) or attempt to lie on my back when I’m in the most pain. I’ve learned to modify the modifications, if necessary. Everything I do is low impact. I’m working on incorporating a daily walk when I get home in the evenings.
I know there is no cure for arthritis. I’m trying to not think of arthritis as an “old person’s disease.” I know it’s not. I’m trying to face the consequences head-on like I’ve faced all the other challenges in my life.
For me, being obese has other consequences as well. The consequences of my obesity are having to wear Plus Sized Clothing (numbers with a W after them). I have difficulty sitting in chairs with arms because my hips are too wide. Forget going to a movie theater or flying in airplanes! Those bloody seats are made for scrawny people. Sitting in the driver’s seat in my car, I cannot see the edges of the seat because my bottom half is so large. I do not get dressed or undressed in front of my husband. There is no way in hell I will put on shorts. Doesn’t matter if it’s 110 outside, I’ll be wearing long pants or a maxi skirt! Instead of having a six pack on my stomach, I have a six pack on my back. I have excess skin that hangs down. Let me tell you, it is an image forever seared into my skull – one I really wish I did not have. Because the skin hangs down, no air gets in. I sweat. This means I have to lift the flab and keep the area powdered up to prevent rashes.
Other consequences include the depression I have been suffering with for almost 20 years. The depression, in turn, affected my family. Not only was I hurt, but I hurt the ones I loved the most in this life. I truly hate myself for that. Sadly, once that bell has been rung, it can NEVER be unrung.
It’s so hard to find even one thing about me that I can like. There are so many days where I’m constantly wondering how my husband can even find me attractive. What have I done to deserve a man like him? How did I get so lucky to have a man willing to put up with me and all the excess baggage that comes with me. What does he see that I do not?
I am grateful I do not have high blood pressure. Even being morbidly obese, my pressure maintains right around 90/60. I am grateful my cholesterol falls into a mostly normal level. I’m grateful I do not have diabetes (hyper-glycemia). Although, I do suffer from occasional attacks of hypo-glycemia (low blood sugar). I am grateful I am 48 years old and do not have to color my hair. A person would be hard-pressed to find a gray hair on my head! I am grateful I have outstanding blood flow through all of the arteries going in and out of my heart.
The good news is that many of the consequences can be resolved. It is now my mission to make myself healthy. It is my mission to get the negative thoughts out of my head – the poor self-image, low self-esteem – all of them. It is my mission to reach out and help others who may be feeling the same way or facing similar circumstances.