Day 24 is off to a wonderful start! Workout complete. Now I am getting ready to take the puppies on a much needed walk. The wind is blowing, the thermometer claims it is 38, but it feels like 28. The wind chill factor sure can kick booty!
As I was limbering and loosening up (AKA vacuuming), I began to think about perfection and perfectionism. Much of society seems to expect it from us. I am guilty of it. Not so much from others, only from myself. I feel as though I am a failure if I am not perfect with or at everything. Trying to be perfect can, and is, maddening.
Actually, I used to feel as though I failed if I did not perform some task, appear a certain way, or whatever perfectly. As the years have passed, I have learned there is no such thing as perfect. There is no perfect world. There is no perfect job, boss, relationship, or body. Nothing and no one. Why do we feel the need for it? Who even determines what ‘perfect’ is?
Just as there is no ‘One Size Fits All,’ there is no ‘Perfect Body’ or ‘Perfect Body Type/Image.’ Yet, day in and day out so many of us attempt to achieve perfection. The goal of perfection is unreachable, unattainable, and simply impossible. One person’s idea of perfect is not necessarily the same as the person next to him/her.
As I worked out this morning, there were so many moments where I did not execute a move in the exact same way as the lead did. There were even times when I simply could perform moves because my brain was unable to process her rapid fire commands. This got me thinking . . . performing more introspection.
Light bulb moment! I realized during the workout part of the reason I started and stopped the various workout programs I have accumulated over the years has to do with my perfectionism. If I could not perform the moves perfectly and at the same pace as everyone else, I would get frustrated and just stop. In my mind, I expected myself to be able to perform exactly as the leads did. I was not allowing for the initial learning curve everyone faces when first starting something.
I am gradually accepting the fact it is perfectly OK to not be able to execute the moves in the same way as the leads. It is perfectly OK to not perform some moves because they are too complicated for my brain to process. It is perfectly OK to be imperfect.
The workout yesterday and the workout today were rough for me. I could feel my sugar dropping too fast. When that happened, I paused the video and rested until the moment passed and I no longer felt like I was going to pass out. Then I would push play. (I’m thinking I may need to adjust my caloric intake a tad.) When I had trouble following the combinations, I just marched in place. I kept moving. I did not stop. I was very imperfect today.
And then there was the walk with the dogs . . . UGH! Even remembering it now irritates me! It started out fantastic. Five minutes in, though, and it went to shit. Damn velcro weeds! Normally, they get attached to Milo and his leash. Today, those little suckers latched on to me! I spent at least six minutes trying to pull them off and ended up making it worse. I said screw it and decided we would do an abbreviated walk today. So, we only walked 1.78 miles today.
When I came home from work, I spent about 35 minutes pulling the rest off. These are my favorite workout pants, too! GRRRRRR
I had to talk myself down from the ledge because it was a shorter distance today. I really had to impress upon my mind it is perfectly OK to only walk half of our normal distance. What matters is we were able to get a walk in and the puppies were happy!
I am finally realizing (even though I have known this all along) I will NEVER have what Society has determined to be the ‘perfect body.’ I’m too short. My hips too wide. My boobs are too large (and droopy). We won’t even discuss the cottage cheese that is my lower half. I am finally accepting the fact it is OK to be perfectly imperfect where my body is concerned.
Confession Time: I do not strictly adhere to any sort of meal plan. I am being more conscientious about what I am eating, though. I have not eliminated sweets or salty junk food. In the fridge, we have these tubs of pre-made cookie dough (daggone nieces and their fund raisers!). For the past week and a half or so, I will have a large size tablespoon of it. I actually do not feel deprived because of it. My mind is accepting it is OK to have one spoonful. I have been able to eat the one tablespoon full and walk away.
This is a major accomplishment for me. If this were to happen during my dark and twisty period, I would eat and eat and eat until I wanted to vomit. It has taken me years to get to this point. It is OK to be perfectly imperfect!
Even with the cookie dough, I have stayed on track today food-wise. I ate close to my calorie allotment for the day. No hitting the vending machines at the office. No stopping at Dairy Queen for a 4 Piece Chicken Strip Basket with Gravy and a Large Oreo Blizzard made with Chocolate Ice Cream.
Day 24 is a resounding success!
I am Perfectly Imperfect and that is definitely A-OK! 😀