Day 25 will go down as a success. No workout as it is a Rest Day. My food has been on point. I really am thinking I need to review, and maybe adjust, my caloric intake. I still feel a tad out of whack even with the Rest Day.
Tomorrow is my childhood best friend’s birthday. I will be joining two of her sisters for lunch at IHOP. I have already Googled their menu to see what is available for me to eat. I do not want to eat all of my calories in one sitting. Knowing my options ahead of time can only benefit me on this journey!
I feel I need to talk a little about my two constant companions: Shame and Embarrassment. As a morbidly obese person, they never leave my side. They are two of the biggest reasons I refuse to have pictures taken or go to functions where there is even the remote possibility of pictures being taken.
I am a United States Marine. I spent over 13 years on Active Duty. Marines are all about discipline, physical fitness, and appearance. At some point after my Honorable Discharge, I lost that. As a result, I packed on the pounds. I cannot stand myself because of it.
So, for well over 16 years now, I have been living with Shame and Embarrassment. I do not want anyone who served with me to see me as I am today. I do not feel I would be able to stand tall or tough if one of them were to say, “What in the hell happened to you?! Did you swallow a platoon or what?! Jeez! You are GINORMOUS!” (Marines are notorious for our bluntness.)
As this is Throwback Thursday, here is a picture of me from 1993 and one from 2015:
I am almost two of the person I was back in 1993. It is sad. It is disgusting. It is shameful. It is embarrassing.
2016 is the Year of My New Beginning. Shame and Embarrassment, like the excess weight, have to go! There is no longer a place in my life for them. In order for me to heal and to move forward on this leg of my journey (50s and beyond), I need to clear away the negatives and bring in more positives.
The more I take myself out of my comfort zone, the more I push myself to work through some of the ugliness I carry around inside of me, the sooner I will be able to really start seeing results. I have to be right on the inside before I can be right on the outside.