I Own this Ugly Truth

Every Positive Change

I have a measurement journal.  I started it on Wednesday, 5 July 2006.  I actually recorded my weight on the very first entry.  After that, it was sporadic . . . maybe a dozen times total.  My lowest weight was 202.5 on Tuesday, 18 December 2012.  Here is a chart.  Warning:  The numbers are hideous.

MEASUREMENT

WEDNESDAY,

5 JULY

2006

TUESDAY,

18 DECEMBER

2012

FRIDAY,

3 SEPTEMBER 2015

WEDNESDAY,

3 FEBRUARY

2016

Upper Chest

40.5”

36”

37.5”

38”

Bust

42”

37”

39”

39”

Midriff

36.5”

32”

33”

33”

Upper Arm

14.5”

13”

12.25”

13.75”

Waist

37”

32.25”

35”

35”

Upper Hip

49”

43.5”

46”

50”

Lower Hip

52”

45.5”

48.5”

49.5”

Upper Thigh

31.5”

27.75”

29.5”

30.25″

Mid-Thigh

27.5”

24.75”

25.5”

26”

Calf

16.5”

16.5”

16.5”

18”

Weight

227

202.5

212.8

216.8

This is the first time I have ever revealed my measurements to anyone.  My husband does not even know these numbers.  It is amazing to see the variance in numbers over the years.  I’m trying to remember what workout program I was following in 2012 to give me those numbers.  I think it was TurboFire.  The 2015 numbers are from just walking the dogs and a couple of rounds of the 21 Day Fix program at the beginning of the year.

In November, I just gave up.  Between the beginning of September and the beginning of November, I had shot up to over 220.  So, I started falling back into the mindset “I’m always going to be fat and there is not a damn thing I can do about it!”

I attended a Bariatric Seminar at the beginning of November.  I had been thinking about the surgery hard for over a year.  So, my neighbor and I attended.  (She had the surgery about five or six years ago and was going to be my ‘bari’ buddy.)  I had already performed a crap-ton of research on it.  I wanted to be well-prepared.  I listened.  I asked questions.  I filled out the paperwork.  I waited . . . and waited . . . and waited for the call scheduling my initial consult appointment.

I knew my insurance covered it.  I know so many co-workers who have had it.  I have friends who have had the surgery.  Because the anxiously awaited call never came, I called them.  The nice lady on the other end told me I was not fat enough.  Excuse me?!  My scale had screamed, “Get off of my lard ass!” more than once, so how in the hell was I not fat enough?!

She said my BMI needed to be over 40 and I had to be at least 15 pounds heavier.  She hinted around that with the holidays coming up, it was possible to ‘revisit’ this again after the first of the year.  No, she did not directly say, “Slap on those pounds.”  I was the first to mention the holidays and intentionally eating to gain the extra weight.

I became super discouraged after that phone conversation.  I did not understand why others are able to have the surgery and I am not.  So, I began to eat.  I did not care what I ate.  It did not matter that I was eating almost 3000 calories or more on some days.  I just kept stuffing my face.  And stuffing my face.  And stuffing my face.

Then January 2016 rolled around.  I had enough.  I had enough of the Pity Party I had been throwing myself.  I did not make a New Year’s Resolution.  I knew I would break it in less than a week.  I did make a decision to work hard at a new, healthier lifestyle.

I began small.  I started with paying attention to the foods I was choosing to eat and their portion sizes.  Portion control is my biggest hang up.  How in the world am I supposed to taste anything if I do not have a ginormous, meant-for-two-sized portion of anything?!  This is where the 21 Day Fix containers come into play for me.

I followed the change in my approach to food with an exercise plan.  I had originally intended to combine multiple FIRM systems into a rotation calendar but then I remembered, I have several I purchased and never actually followed through on.  The second week of my New Beginning is when I switched to using a single system.

I took my measurements on Tuesday, 19 January 2016.  I had gained 15″ overall and was sitting at 219.6 for my weight.  I knew I had gained because my clothes were tight.  Not as tight as they were in December, but tight nonetheless.

Which brings me to why I decided I to put my numbers out there . . . This is me going WAY outside my comfort zone.  I am beginning to realize this is a very necessary evil if I truly want to be successful.   I cannot keep doing the things I have and expect change.  I own those ugly numbers.

By actually sharing my stats with others, it is my way of holding myself accountable.  Seeing the numbers above on my computer screen is causing a slight panic attack.  I am pushing through, though.  I have to.

Sharing this journey and my daily (quite often hourly) struggles with others is important for my overall health and well-being.  It also means I am able to connect with others who have embarked on similar journeys.  I am a firm believer that there is strength in numbers.

I CAN do this!  I AM worth it!

Life Begins At

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4 thoughts on “I Own this Ugly Truth

  1. Thank you for stepping out of your comfort join and sharing this! I think it helps more than just you! Our numbers are very similar except my weight is more in my waist and less in the hips, ugh. I look like an alcoholic man, pretty much. That is how I envision myself, the fat guy with the huge gut at the end of the bar. I know it is was hard to get out of the comfort zone. This is a huge step and I am so proud of you! Like you say, We got this!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Even after I clicked “Publish” I wanted to retract and delete my post! UGH! This is SO dang hard! Being pear shaped sucks. In my brain-housing group, all I picture is a 500-pound monster pear gobbling up everything in sight!

      Thank you so much for joining me on this journey and your words of encouragement!

      2016 IS our year!

      Liked by 1 person

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