Alone . . . Again

And She Will Sleep Alone

I am irritated as fuck right now.  My husband should be home tonight.  His job keeps him away Sunday through Friday . . . Or it’s supposed to work like that.  He should have at least 36 hours at home.  The weekends are OUR time.  Yet here I am again on a Friday night . . . Alone.

It is the same fucking complaint I have had for years.  We work extremely hard to keep our marriage working.  I know and accept that his job as a truck driver keeps him gone for five to six days each week.  He’s been driving truck for well over 10 years now.  I am used to doing things on my own during the damn week.  The weekends are meant to be for us.  We have learned over the years to make every minute count when he is home.

My irritation is two-fold tonight.  First, I am irritated with my husband because I told him multiple fucking times we have a 1300 appointment to have our taxes done on Saturday.  I know I told him more than once because it had to be rescheduled from last Saturday.  His job kept him out until late Saturday afternoon.  He claims I never told him a time.  I did.  He seriously needs to have his damn hearing checked.  I honestly do not know how many times I have to practically yell to be heard.  He can be about six feet away from me and still not hear anything I say when I talk in a normal tone.

He claims he will be home by Noon O’Clock.  We shall see.  He knows I am pissed.  He knows when I get this way, I stay this way for awhile.  I’m hoping he isn’t in a foul mood, too.  It will make for a super shitty weekend if he is!

Second, his job.  I am SOOOOOOOOO over him getting fucked over by them all the time.  If he so much as requests a morning off because he has a doctor or dentist appointment, he is punished for at least two weeks afterward.  They claim there are no loads.  I call bullshit.  It is their passive-aggressive way to punish drivers.  Heaven forbid he wants to take an actual damn vacation!  Not only is his vacation pay shit, but he will be punished for at least four weeks.

I absolutely understand the nature of the beast where truck driving is concerned.  My father was a truck driver.  My brother is a truck driver.  Trucking is in the blood.  However, he is supposed to be home on the weekends.  The dispatchers and office people at his company go home to their families every. fucking. night.  The least this company can do is take care of their drivers by ensuring they have at least 36 hours of home time.

My husband tries to schedule any appointment for the earliest possible time on Mondays.  He leaves early to make sure all of his deliveries are made on time.  If they are late, it is either due to Mother Nature, the load isn’t ready when told it would be, or the dispatcher does not pay attention to drive time.  He works his ass off for this company.  He is dedicated.

But he is getting fed up.  I have been fed up for a VERY LONG time.  My husband does not like confrontation.  He tends to be more passive-aggressive.  I, on the other hand, grab the bull by the fucking horns and body slam it.  I do not have a problem with confrontation.  I would love nothing more than to go to the company’s office and let them see me on full-blast.  It would be on behalf of all the drivers the fuck over every week.

My husband has started to look for a new job.  The problem he is running into has to do with the requirements he has.  He would prefer to be home on weekends.  He prefers regional.  Then there are the benefits.

I have told him I would not care if he is gone for two or three weeks at a time if he had guaranteed home time of at least four consecutive days.  I would adjust.  I would not necessarily like it, but I would adjust.

I Must Not Let

Right now, I really want some junk food.  Thankfully, we do not have any in the house AND I am too lazy to go out to get some.  So when I get off work in about 15 or so minutes, I will just veg out on the couch and watch a movie . . . alone.  By myself.  With the dogs.  And the cats.

Tomorrow is a new day.  He will be home.  We will go out to a nasty, greasy spoon diner across from the street from where our appointment is.  We will get some deliciously nasty, greasy, artery clogging, delicious food.  We will be together and the time will be quality time.

So, I shall follow this advice:

It Is What It Is



11 thoughts on “Alone . . . Again

  1. I’m sorry that he isn’t home tonight or when he is supposed to be. I can imagine that sucks. Try to control any turns to food so that you can stay on track you got this!

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s why I turned to the keyboard to vent! LOL I have been working too hard for the past 40 days to blow it because I am in a bad mood. It is really a struggle. However, I am taking it one minute at a time tonight. Gradually, I will be good to go. Breathe. That’s what I’m telling myself tonight. Just breathe! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh my dear… how I understand you…
    When I first started dating my future husband, we had the same situation. The thing is that before me, he had a very rough life and he kind of had decided to give his life to his job!
    When I arrived in his life, I couldn’t believe how much he was working.
    He would always cover for people who were sick, he would do extra hours for no reason, never have vacations etc…
    I was like “WHAAAAAAT”? Of course I saw they were taking him for a fool and I also saw that without him, they would be in trouble because he was doing EVERYTHING (he was working in an Irish pub for the past 5 years days, nights… you name it).
    When I said something about it, it led us to a fight, because (I would learn it later) he knew I was right, and that it wasn’t right but he wasn’t ready to admit it…

    So I let him be for a whole year… After a while he had enough and he resigned! He told me that this was not a life and that I was right, that if something happened to him one day, they would go on and his life would be over…
    And that at the end of your life, what you think about is not how many hours you did at work but how much time you spent with your loved ones…

    I know it’s easy to say, I know we have to eat, pay bills etc… but I didn’t force him, he chose to. So now we’re looking for a new job for him and we’re confident we’re gonna find one because he’s got skills.
    Unfortunately he doesn’t have a degree or diplomas… but we’ve got faith and he’s the best employee people could ever hope for so we’ll find something.

    Your husband will find too. In good times. And you won’t spend any Fridays alone anymore 🙂
    I can relate to you because during these times, I couldn’t help but eat anything I would find.
    And me, I would find the motivation to leave the house and go buy junk food 😦
    So you’re stronger than me lol…
    Keep it up!
    Much love!

    Liked by 1 person

    • The waiting is the hard part! I am NOT a patient person . . . Not by any stretch. However, he has let them know before, if it starts to interfere with his marriage, BUH-BYE it will be. Neither of us are at that point yet. Too much work has gone into making our marriage work through the whole 36-hours-per-week-together-if-we-are-lucky. (Plus, I am one hell of a fighter! 😉 )

      What sucks is if he complains about it, they will ‘play nice’ for a week or two and then go right back to what they were doing. This has been going on for years. It would not be so bad if, when they kept him out until Saturday, they did not short-change his miles in the subsequent weeks.
      Living paycheck to paycheck sucks ass!

      I’m glad your hubby ‘wizened’ up and realized what was most important in life. My husband would do the same thing if he did not have a wife. He pretty much said he would live in his truck.

      Your husband WILL find a job. Hopefully, he will not ‘settle’ for any old job. Everyone will be be miserable then. :-\

      I probably would have gone out to buy junk food, but I am just too lazy to. 😉

      Thank you for your encouraging words! It means a lot! 🙂


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