Day 40 – Working on My Self-Esteem

10 Steps to Self-Esteem

Today is Day 40 of the Year of My New Beginning.  I am working harder than I ever have before.  I am slowly making and achieving changes mentally and physically.  Progress.  Baby Steps.  I did not become fat overnight.  I damn sure am not going to become skinny overnight.  I realize I have said this before.  However, for me, it is very necessary to put things on repeat.

This journey is like Marine Corps Boot Camp – 80% Mental and 20% Physical.  The physical part is the easiest for me to master.  It’s the other 80% is what really needs the work.  I will see faster results once I am more balanced/healed mentally.  I know this.

I have learned what I did before does not work.  I was not honest with myself.  I did not work on the underlying issues as to why I use food to sooth and comfort.  I thought the issues had been dealt with and ‘put to bed’.  In reality, the only thing I was doing was slapping a bandaid over a severed vein (and sometimes artery).

I have to work VERY hard to see the positive in me.  It is a struggle.  I have my very own personal library of self-help books.  The problem is I start reading them but eventually stop because I either do not want to face something I need to or because I am not ready to.

One book I find absolutely fascinating is The Secret Language of Birthdays – Personology Profiles for Each Day of the Year by Gary Goldschneider and Joost Elffers.  The profile for my birthday is spot-on with a few exceptions (I have bolded the stuff I found to be 100% accurate):

May Second – The Day of Human Observation

Those born on May 2 exhibit a special interest in human development – in every manifestation from youth to old age.  They are not shy about expressing their ideas on a variety of subjects concerning people, ideas which are well thought out and for the most part forever fixed in their minds.  May 2 people are difficult to fool; they have a canny insight into human psychology and thought processes.

Those born on this day tend to be authoritative types who lay down the law for their family or social circle.  As far as their work is concerned, if possible, they may choose to be self-employed, as they don’t specialize in the fine art of getting along with others.  Although they do not rate high on diplomacy, May 2 people will usually be respected for their outspoken and forthright attitudes.  One temptation for them is to indulge in gossip and pry into the affairs of others.  This is mostly out of curiosity rather than malevolence.  Not surprisingly, they are sensitive to gossip directed their way.

As mentioned, May 2 people may choose careers that involve little social contact, from solitary arts to trades, transport or farming, but they often pass part of their spare time with their own unique way of studying people.  Most May 2 people are analytical rather than creative, objective rather than subjective, and intelligent rather than intuitive.  Once they are on to a particular subject or activity they’re like a doge with a bone, and will usually drive an argument about as far as it can possibly go.

A problem for many May 2 people is a lack of tact and a tendency to be abrasive in speech.  This may not only antagonize people but make real enemies who can cause serious trouble.  May 2 people should use their intelligence and understanding of human psychology to cultivate diplomacy, as it will lead to greater success in all areas of life.

Those born on May 2 tend to be perfectionists.  They are able to take practical plans and implement them most efficiently.  Good at organization, they get a great amount done working on their own, sometimes even more than could be accomplished by a whole team.  The desire to be alone can in some cases extend to their personal lives as well; but generally, after a hard day’s work they enjoy luxuriating in the warmth of a family situation.  As parents, those born on this day must be aware of overguiding and dominating the early lives of their children.  May 2 people really have to learn to let go, not only of any fixed ideas about child-rearing, but also of their possessiveness toward their offspring.

May 2 people pursue hobbies and crafts with the same keen analytic skill employed in their work.  Good with their hands, they are clever at fashioning toys for their children, installing gadgets in their homes or selecting and arranging home furnishings in a pleasing manner.  Their love of beauty is apparent in whatever they do.

According to the book, I have a ‘Springtime Personality.’

Generally speaking, those born in the springtime manifest an enthusiasm for life.  Their energy is prodigious where initiating projects is concerned, and their ability to survive and/or adapt is noteworthy.  Often more extroverted than introverted, springtime people tend to impact heavily on their environment.  However, their capacity to dutifully or doggedly stick to one activity is not necessarily great.

Springtime people like to share what they think, create and produce, and they are, more than those born in other seasons, in need of fairly constant appreciation and approval for what they do.  A desire to be free characterizes many born in this season, and they may not react will to having restrictions imposed on them.  Springtime people need to grow, expand and make their mark on the world.

Those born in the spring often carry a childlike air about them their whole life long.  Innocence, spontaneity, impulse – these are all characteristic of springtime people.  Generally positive in their outlook, they may be put off by highly serious attitudes and have little patience for those with negative orientations.

I am loyal.  I am caring.  I am loving.  I am giving.  Those are all positives. I am NOT a “fat, lazy bitch who sits on her ass all day and does nothing!”  Mr Potato Head told me that on a daily basis while we were married.  It did not matter that I was the one to clean the house, cook dinner, clean up, get the kids ready for bed, get things prepared for the next day, more times than not working 12 or more hours every day at work.  He told me it often enough that the record is STILL stuck on repeat . . . and we have not been together for over 24 YEARS!

Well, it is now 2016.  I am working on a NEW me – physically AND mentally.  I am going to be performing exorcisms on the negativity which has manifested itself for almost 40 years.


I'm Working on a New Me Not Because


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