Day 51 – Underestimation and Comparison

Do Not Underestimate Yourself

Even when I do not want to, I find my comparing myself with others.  When I do, it sets off a vicious cycle I have a hard time getting out of.  When I compare myself to others, I ALWAYS feel inferior and underestimate my worth.

At work, we have to do self-appraisals.  I HATE them!  I never know what to put.  I do not see myself as others see me.  When it comes to my job, I go in and do what needs to be done whether it is in the job description or not.  I do not see anything I do as ‘going above and beyond.’  To me, it is all a part of the job.  When working as part of a team on projects, I contribute but I do not say, “Look at me!  This is what I did on the project.” or something long those lines.  Yet, I compare myself to my co-workers.  I see how knowledgeable they are and it makes me feel inferior.  They seem to catch on to things faster than I do.  There are some things it seems to take me forever to catch on to.

Yet if I set aside the technical stuff, I do see where I have exceptional people skills.  I have so many end users who tell me they are always excited when they get me.  I have been told by so many I make them feel comfortable and not like an idiot when they do stupid things.  (I assure them I make more than my fair share of bone-head mistakes!  🙂 )  They tell me they really enjoy my upbeat personality.  They like how it seems as though I am smiling no matter what.  (Little do they know I am very good at faking it!  🙂 )  It makes me feel good knowing when someone calls in, even if they are having a horrendous day, I am able to put a smile on her/his face.

When it comes to weight loss, it is even worse.  I see someone who is on a weight loss journey and without even realizing it, immediately start comparing myself to the other person.  She/he is much bigger than I am.  If she/he can drop XX clothing sizes or XX pounds in such and such amount of time, I should be able to as well.

But if I did not lose XX amount or drop XX size clothing, I become depressed.  I get into the mindset of “I will never lose the weight.”  “I will always be fat.”  “I come from a fat family, therefore, I am doomed to be this way.”  “I am not good enough.”  And the best one?  Mr Potato Head is right, I am nothing but a fat, lazy bitch who does nothing but sit on my fat, lazy ass all day long.  I will never be good at anything or achieve anything.  

Once the comparing starts, so does the mental competition.  I am a very competitive person.  I have to win.  I will do whatever it takes to win.  If it meant going without eating or taking a combination of OTC drugs to make it happen, then that is what I did.

Well, the old me did that.  Now, I am working hard toward a healthy approach.  I am eating regularly.  I am eating healthfully.  I am REALLY working on portion control.  I am exercising at least five times a week.  I am working on my MENTAL WELL-BEING.

I am on Day 51 of the Year of My New Beginning.  I do not remember ever getting this far before.  I have started and stopped this journey many, many, many times before.  I get a few days into it and then I said, “fuck it.”  I have not done that this time.  My approach is different.

What is different this time?  I am doing ME.  I am NOT worrying about how much weight someone else is losing.  I am working on the things which were causing me to stand in my own damn way.  I am learning to accept my body as it is . . . lumps, bumps, big, fat belly overhang and all.

So for today, I shall do the following . . .

Find Your Own

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2 thoughts on “Day 51 – Underestimation and Comparison

  1. I get so caught up on success stories that I forget there’s other people who struggle exactly the same way as I do . It’s great to speak up about it . It’s awful but normal . You’re not alone . ❤️ In a year we’ll be pretty hott, right ? 😁

    Liked by 2 people

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