Day 53 – Part 1 – Lacking Motivation

Just Pull Your Shit Together

This is what I had to do today.  I am just not feeling it.  I did complete Aerobic Body Shaping, but I had to pause half way into it.  Once I knew I was not going to face plant myself, I got up and finished it.  I still have to go out and shovel the driveway before heading into work.  I am really lacking motivation today.  I’m feeling overwhelmed and I have no idea why.  None.  I will have to contemplate this as I shovel  the drive.

After downing four Benadryl last night, I was able to fall asleep sooner.  Still had to get up numerous times throughout the night to pee or let the dogs out, though.  According to my Fitbit, I slept seven hours!  It says I was awake four times and restless 19 times.  Now, if I could only sleep the whole night through!

I know I’m feeling inadequate with regard to my work.  We have one guy on our team who has already earned like four certifications within a few months time.  Three of those were within two months of each other.  I’m struggling just to earn one.

I work as an Information Technology Service Desk Specialist.  I thought when I earned my degree this would be the field I really wanted to be in.  I am discovering I am not fascinated by the technology side as much as I am about helping people.

Many people in the IT field are introverts.  They are not people-persons.  They are more about the technology and what makes things tick.  I am finding myself liking that side less and less. The problem is, I have no idea what the hell I want to  do.

Don’t get me wrong.  I LOVE my job.  I love working with almost all the people I work with.  I am thankful I am not in a member-facing position because I would definitely be out of a job.  Our Member Service Advisers are awesome.  I know I would not do well with someone telling me off because of something stupid they had done.  I do not do well with people who come at me with attitudes, period.  If someone does, they get attitude right back.  Just because you may be having a shitty day does not mean that I am to take your bullshit.  How do you know I am not having a shitty day?!  This is why when I worked Retail they pretty much kept me off the floor and away from customers!  Ha

Anyway, I digress.  At work, we are all supposed to earn our certifications.  The company is paying for them which is awesome.  I really am struggling to find motivation to complete it.  I know I need to do it.  I know it has to happen within the next eight weeks.  The more I think about it, the more freaked out I get.

I do not test well.  I freeze.  Any knowledge I may have up in my brain-housing group flies out the damn window the moment I have to take an exam!  It happened every time I took a final while in college.  Test Anxiety is no joke.

Well, it’s time to shovel the drive . . . Again.

My Happiness Does Not


3 thoughts on “Day 53 – Part 1 – Lacking Motivation

  1. As I was reading, my first thought was don’t even think about the person who got 4 certifications, good for him, yay. You only worry about you because the other guy is just extra clutter in your brain. I am constantly telling myself to stop thinking of the whole picture or daunting process as a whole, instead, I remind myself to concentrate on step one, then step two, then step three to reach my goal. For me, it’s too ovetwhelming to think about all 4,5, or 6 certifications so I start with number one only and make a plan. Maybe this might work for you, maybe not but I thought I’d throw that out there just in case. Same with tests, don’t think that OMG, I have to finish this whole test and am I going to pass, etc, etc. Start with the first question and break it down, there is only one question you need to worry about which is the first one, then move on. You already most likely know the information so you have it within you to complete and pass the test, if you know what I mean. My husband has testing anxiety like that. Not sure if any of my rambling helps but maybe it might so had to write it. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am trying very hard to NOT compare myself to my teammates. The past couple of days have been rough mentally. I’m not sure what it is about this week. It cannot be due to PMS because that stage of my life is over. 🙂 It cannot be because of a full moon. That was last week.

      But I do like your suggestions. I shall try implementing them. 🙂

      It’s all about Baby Steps, right? One day at at time. One step at a time. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Oh, you can still go thru monthly horomones cycles after menopause, they might be a little different but track it and see if there is a pattern. Another thought I had was just because someone finishes their certifications fast doesn’t make them rock star at their jobs. I have finished taking tests last many times but I am top dog now! LOL! I totally believe in baby steps.

        Liked by 1 person

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