Almost Three Years Later and It Still Bothers Me – Part 2

You Want to Come Into

Even though I know Baby Number 3 is more than capable of holding his own, I am his MoM.  I am protective.  I REALLY wanted to respond to what he was sending to our son, but I had to step back since he was now considered an ‘adult’.

In case you missed the original back-and-forth between father and son, you can pop over to here.  Be fair-warned, though.  It is quite the lengthy read!

Mr I-Do-Not-Have-Children-To-Pass-My-Legacy-On-To responded to Baby Number 3’s reply.  Reading it, I could tell he was PISSED.

I did my beast from memory alone to put the numbers together.  Some of my files had been lost over the years from computer and finance program changes, hence the minor discrepancies.

The unfortunate part of all this is you decided to be nothing more than a monthly payment to us.  It’s clear that responsibility has never been taken on by you.  That was not our choice, we tried many many times to be more than that.  Since that’s what we were reduced to we simply felt a tally was in order to close out the books financially.  It has nothing to do with low blows.  We are moving onto the next stage of our lives and although it looks materialistic it is simply a part of our family budget that can now be re-assigned.

Enjoy your birthday and I continue to wish you well in life wherever it takes you.

Seriously.  His words.  Shut the door.  No.  He slammed the door shut.  The email screams I do not want you in my life ever again . . . I never really did to begin with.  It makes my blood boil.  A LOT.

Our son only wanted to have his father in his life.  He was ruthlessly teased by his older brother because his biological father was not involved with him when he was a child.  (When I found out, I went ballistic on Baby Number 2!)  Baby Number 3 was the one to reach out to Mr I-Do-Not-Have-Children-To-Pass-My-Legacy-On-To.  It was not the other way around.

Well, the above response caused Baby Number 3 to come back at him with:

Oboi, now you’re just trying to pin the blame on me.  By no means should I have “taken on responsibility” seeing as how I was the child.  You state that you “tried many many times” but the reality of the matter is, looking back within my lifetime, anybody with common sense would see that you had plenty of time to try.

Looking on everything from an outside perspective, you did nothing to attempt contact with me aside from after I initiated it and even then you did so with a small amount of effort.  Had you been earnestly trying to be a father figure within your son’s life, you would have taken the initiative like a true adult and done so.

You’re just a materialistic human who can’t handle the blame when it is on you.  You talk about responsibility, yet you can’t handle that so you try placing it on the child.  That’s definitely a low blow in anyone’s eyes except your  own and you an try to deny it all you want and shove the “responsibility” on another, but facts are facts.

And the pissing contest continues . . .

I have fully taken the responsibility for what I have done and tried to do, but I was fought at every turn.  I am far from materialistic I live my life giving much to others, adding value to people that add value to others themselves.  I respect those that give respect back.  I even are for other families in need throughout the year.  That by nature is far from materialistic a life.  I live my life knowing that it is not just about me.  Circumstances have never worked out tow where you wanted to be a part of our lives and I have accepted that.  I was not going to force or fight you to be in our lives, you always had that choice as you got older.  You made vary hurtful, crass and harmful comments about us.  No self respecting person would try and continue a relationship with someone that treated them so foul.  I only have room in my life for people that want to be in it, share my morals and values, and want to be a part of it.

We will always see the facts as different based on varying perspectives.  Many in my life that know the full story feel and have supported my view that I did much of what I could given the circumstances.  I have surrounded myself with people that share my views and values and who want to be my friends.

You sir, have never wanted to share those values that we have, so I ask you  if we have nothing in common and we hare no common morals or values, then really what is left other than going our separate ways at this point?  We don’t really have a relationship, you really don’t know anything about me and I about you.  I have tried, but there is only so much effort.  I sincerely hope you never find yourself in my situation.  You will see just how easy it’s not to do the right thing and become the bad guy no matter what you do.  You can never see the world from my perspective and I can never see it from yours, I understand that.

Despite your opinion I do believe we made much more than a small amount of effort to get to know you and make you a part of our lives.  That’s differing opinions not facts.

Baby Number 3 refuses to back down . . .

You say you were fought at every turn, but you’ve never elaborated on how and by whom.  You say you’re not materialistic yet you an afford to fill your house with expensive things and other expensive toys.  Now, you say I made hurtful and crass remarks about you guys yet I fail to see when and how I did.  I distinctly remember a verbal threat when we were down in Florida.  Do you not remember that?  It’s easily assumed you’re the one that attempted to make hurtful remarks and would even plan to harm someone, more specifically a kid, your own kid over your own childishness.  Leading back to the first point, in what way had I treated you “foully” aside from a set instance, once more, in Florida.  You may have to jog my memory there.

By saying you only have room in your life for people who want to be in it and share your morals and values, you’re implying in the most obvious of ways that you only want someone in your life that shares your views.  You’d rather not associate with anyone wit differing opinions and morals by stating that.

You’ve said that many people “know the full story” but in the reality of it they only know what you’ve told them.  As they say, there’s multiple sides to a story.  Once more point the previous point, you’ve “surrounded yourself with people who share your views.”  Backing up my own statement.

I can assure you that I will never end up in your position because I will be there for my child.

As you can see, my son can clearly hold his own.  Re-reading these exchanges still gets my blood boiling.  And this is, by no means, the end of it!  I haven’t even gotten to my letter to Mr I-Do-Not-Have-Children-To-Pass-My-Legacy-On-To yet!

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11 thoughts on “Almost Three Years Later and It Still Bothers Me – Part 2

    • It was REALLY hard for me to NOT send what I wanted to send. However, as he is an “adult” now, I am forced to step back and let him (and my other two) fight their own battles. ☹️

      Liked by 1 person

      • Your baby will always be your baby! Most parents usually say that 18 is nothing! We’re still children at 18!!!
        He’s not a parent anyway… Just a genitor for what I see. I’m disgusted by all of this and can’t believe a human being could do that to their own flesh… Guess we need all type of people to crowd the world…
        Stay strong!

        Liked by 2 people

      • Which is exactly what I told him. Just because a person turns 18, it does not automatically mean adulthood. In actuality, most of us did not reach “maturity” until we were in our mid-20s. Sometimes it doesn’t happen until the 30s!

        You know what, it is HIS loss! And yes . . . My baby will always be my baby! It does not matter how old my children get, they will always be children to me! LOL

        ❤ ❤

        Liked by 2 people

  1. I don’t understand people like that, it’s so heart breaking . i’m so sorry you guys have had to deal with all that , gah. :’-(

    Like

  2. What a total ass! And for your son to hold his own like that, it is impressive, but he should have never been put into that situation, especially by someone that was supposed to be there and love him. I’m sorry you had to go through this, my blood is boiling for you too. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • You know what’s sad? I never thought that of him until that email. Thankfully, my son was raised to be independent and to be himself. I am so proud of the man he has become. It is his father’s loss. Thank you, Jenn! Believe me, my blood was beyond boiling when it was happening!

      💜💜

      Like

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