Days 136 and 137 – The House Is Quiet

Well, my daughter, son-in-law, youngest son, Zoey, MOtis and Marshmallow have left.  Things are THISMUCHCLOSER to being ‘normal’ again!  I will miss them.  However, I am always glad to have my house back to myself!  Only one more child to send off.  Currently, he is in another state visiting one of his Marine Corps buddies.  So, I sort of have the house to myself again.

MissTer has come out from behind the microwave!  This was his first venture outside of the house.  Both kitties are strictly indoor cats.  The only reason I let him out on the deck was because I felt so bad for him.  He was so incredibly stressed out while Zoey and MOtis were here.

I did not walk the pups today.  Since the kids didn’t get on the road until well after 1000, I decided to wait until tomorrow . . . provided it does not rain.  I am going to allow myself the next five days as slacker days.  On Tuesday, 31 May (Day 142), I will buckle down.  I think my son will still be out of town then.  When he does return, I can use those days as ‘rest’ days and only just walk the pups.  Well, at least that is the plan at the moment.  Everything is subject to change.

I am struggling right now.  I am on Day 137 and have fallen into a deep crater.  I am clawing my way toward the top.  I do not like when this happens.  I do not like when I allow life’s curve balls to interfere with my goals – be they short or long term.  I feel horrible.  I KNOW I need to stop eating all the crap-tastic food I have been eating.  The problem is, I cannot seem to find the friggin’ ‘OFF’ switch!

I have a confession to make.  My husband got a sheet cake for my birthday party.  One third was consumed by my guests.  I ate the other two thirds.  Yes.  You read that correctly.  I. Ate. Two Thirds. Of. That. Fucking. Cake!!!!  I have NO SELF CONTROL!!!! This is the worst I have been in over 20 years!  I have no idea why, either.

I do not think I have any major stressor going on.  The party is done.  It was a complete success.  So, I honestly do not know what could be causing it.  I do not feel down.  I do not feel angry.  I just want to eat.  No emotions involved whatsoever.  Just food.

This is the time when I wished I lived in a controlled environment (like those weight loss shows) or rich enough to be able to afford a personal dietician, personal chef and personal trainer.  Sadly, I do not live in that type of environment nor am I rich.  Hell, I barely fall into the ‘middle class’ category.

This month – the month of May – has really been hard for me.  I am 50 years old now.  I look fantastic for my age even though I am well-over 100 pounds overweight.

I sent this to my daughter.  In a Roz voice (from Monsters, Inc.), I told her, “You’re always watching me . . . Always watching!  Hehehe” Because no matter where I move in my house, their eyes follow me!  LOL

So WHY is this month so bloody hard?!  I honestly do not know.

This is how I have felt for several weeks now . . .