Ahhhh . . . Day 149 and my brain-housing group has been actively engaged. I have been doing some more introspection recently. I have come to the conclusion I love food. That’s it. Pure and simple. I am not an emotional eater. I do not need a reason to binge. I do not need a reason to overeat. I do not need an excuse to ‘reward’ myself with food. I. Love. Food. It really is as simple as that.
By the same token, I am a compulsive over-eater. I do not like throwing up. I never have. I would never make it as a bulimic. I cannot go long periods without eating anymore. In my youth, I could go days without eating. Of course, the biggest reason was stress. (Mr Potato Head played a huge role in that.)
Recently, I have noticed an increase in my compulsions. Twice within the past month I have eaten an entire medium pizza by myself . . . Eight slices . . . In one sitting. And the sad thing? Even though it gave me a stomach ache, I still wanted something else to eat. Had I been able to leave, I would have went and got a blizzard from Dairy Queen. The night before my oral surgery (Sunday, Day 147), I ate an entire quart of vegetable fried rice AND had a large Oreo Chocolate Master Shake from Sonic.
I am failing to understand why I feel it is perfectly acceptable and OK to go hog-wild and eat whatever the hell I want to when my family is around, yet when I am alone, I do not have as much of a problem staying on track. Or is it I am being enabled? There is always that possibility. My family may be enabling me without even realizing it. They could be thinking, “It’s just Mom. She always eats like that.”
And then there are days like today. Any extra calories burned were consumed when I had the KFC Famous Bowl, chocolate chip cookie, medium fruit punch, and DQ Strawberry Funnel Cake for dessert. Or so I thought . . .
I just logged my food intake in My Fitness Pal for the first time in ages. When all was said and done, I still had 230 calories to spare. It went over the caloric allotment but because I had burned a shit ton from mowing the lawn today, I had the extra calories.
I still have my mini goal of going down one clothing size (18W to 16W) by 17 August. I leave to go babysit my grand fur babies while my daughter and son-in-law go on their anniversary trip and attend a wedding for a friend. This means I have 70 days to achieve it.
To aid my progress, I will be using my FIRM workouts again. Since it is now summer here in the U.S., my walks with the pups are shorter. I do not want the overheating. I take water with us, but sometimes it is just not enough. With that being said, I will not feel so horrible for shorting their daily walks. Instead of walking 3.75 – 4 miles, we will only walk two miles. If it is really warm, the walk will be even shorter. After the walks, I will come home and do whatever workout is on my Rotation Calendar.
I generated a Rotation Calendar which will carry me to the end of the year. If, by chance, I get bored, I can always switch it up with a BeachBody program. As long as I follow one program consistently, I know I will see results. (I will be undoing the damage done by being a friggin’ slug for the entire month of May.)
I am back to reminding myself BABY STEPS. I need to make small changes. I have to get away from the All or Nothing mindset. That particular mindset does not serve me well. Not one little bit.