Days 292 – 296 – I Knew It Would Not Be Pretty

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Last Friday was Day 292.  I had to be to work early.  It meant getting up and taking the pups for our daily walk while the sun was still sleeping.  It meant the only sounds during the walk were the sounds of our footsteps.  I had a wedding to attend in the evening, so I switched shifts with one of my teammates.  The wedding was beautiful.  The bride was beautiful.  The food was not bad.  My numbers, on the other hand, were horrible!  I used up 55 points (Weight Watchers) on one blasted day!

Well, this past Saturday (Day 293) I went to my first Weight Watchers Meeting.  It was the first time I have been on a scale in “public” since my Marine Corps days (doctor’s office does not count).  Granted the only one to see the number on the scale besides me was the person checking me in, I was still in a public place and everyone there knew I was getting weighed.  Sure, my mind knows we were all there for the very same reason – weight loss support, camaraderie, tools for success, etc. – there is that part of my brain-housing group which goes into a panic/anxiety attack mode.  Anyway, I knew going in the numbers were not going to be pretty.  They were not.  As a fact, they were 2.4 pounds more than what my scale said on Measurements Day.

I tried very hard to NOT let it get me down.  I took into consideration I had clothes on and when I weigh myself at home, I am not wearing clothes and it is typically first thing in the morning before I have eaten anything.  Does not matter, though.  Those numbers made me want to cry.  Facing reality sucks ass!

To top it all off, even with the knowledge I am morbidly obese staring me in the face, I ate all my points and then some.  I am still making poor choices.  I am still coming up with reasons why it is OK for me to make those poor choices.

I have been logging my food . . . every last ugly bite.  I have 30 Daily Smart Points.  I have 42 Weekly Points.  I am supposed to earn 72 Fit Points each week.  I have been blowing through those 30 points in 1 1/2 meals.  POOR CHOICES.  The Fit Points, on the other hand, are easy to earn.  In just four days, I have earned 71 out of the 72 points.

I knew going in my issue is the food.  I know what I need in this department.  I need to have an exact list.  I need to have everything laid out before me.  I cannot be allowed choices.  Right now, I have no willpower.  I have no self-control.  All I want to do is eat.  Eat.  Eat.  And then eat some more.  Weigh-in is on Saturday (Day 300) and I know there will be a damn gain.  Whose fault is that?  Mine.  I have NO ONE else to blame except myself.

On Sunday (Day 294), our power went out.  We ended up going out to breakfast whilst waiting for it to come back on.  This is where I really made a poor choice.  I chose to have the Bacon Skillet (crisp bacon on top of hash browns, onions, green peppers, and scrambled eggs, served with my choice of pancakes or toast).  The pancakes were 17 points!  Yet, I chose to get them anyway.  I was only able to eat about 1/4 of the skillet and brought the rest home.  I had it for lunch yesterday (Day 295).  That skillet was a grand total of 41 points!  Thankfully, I did not eat all of it.

I made some Spicy Turkey Chili.  One serving is 10 points.  The nice things is most of my vegetables and fruits are 0 points.  I will be filling up on veggie and fruit snacks.  I still have to figure out the whole protein thing.

On Monday (Day 295), I had another early day.  The hubby was scheduled for oral surgery.  I thought the appointment was at  0800, so I had made plans around that schedule.  I found out late Sunday morning it was actually at 1145.  Suffice it to say, I had a mini-meltdown.  Thankfully, my boss was understanding and allowed me to go in for 0800 and leave at 1100.  I ended up only being 30 minutes late for normal start time (1330).  Getting up and getting the walk in before the sun was awake was challenging!  Not sure I like it!

Today (Day 296) was a rough day, walk-wise.  The temperature was around 71°F (21.667°C) which was mighty warm for my Honey-Grill and Milo.  Truth be told, it was mighty warm for me, too!  But we got it in.

I wish I could say the day has been good.  I am mostly on track with the food.  I still have all my Weekly Points.  I switched it up so I use my FitPoints first.  I’ve already earned 87 points and I’m only four days into the week.

I will eventually figure out this whole Weight Watchers thing.  I am not so sure I like the App now.  It does not seem as user-friendly.  I am finding the way I have to navigate around is too complicated.  I liked the old app.  The website is not as user-friendly, either.  I will eventually get the hang of it.  Patience.  I must learn to have patience!

Even If You Can't Physically See

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