Here we are, in the last few hours of 2017. I wish I could say it was an amazing year, but I cannot. It had amazing moments. It had sorrowful moments. Basically, 2017 is just the year that . . . was.
In January, we got to meet our future daughter-in-law.
In February, the future daughter-in-law became Daughter-in Law.
March was a quiet month.
In April, we spent a week visiting my husband’s parents.
In May, I held a baby shower for Daughter-in-Law.
In June, Grandson was born and I became YaYa.
In July, we lost my father-in-law.
In August, we became a host family for two boys from two different countries. My Soul Sister, Jenn, and her beautiful children came down to visit.
In September, we had problems with one of the Exchange Students. So, I spent 95% of the month more stressed out than I was during the entire time my own sons were growing up!
In October, Baby Girl turned 30!
In November, we hosted Thanksgiving. Son #1, Wife and GrandBaby Man were able to be here.
In December, my sons were able to spend the holidays with their sisters (different locations), so they were able to be with family.
I had started 2017 off with the best intentions. I didn’t even make it two weeks before I fell off that little wagon. The weight I slowly lost has been steadily making its way back to me. I can still squeeze my fat ass into most of my clothes, so not all of it has returned.
I failed at weight loss. This is nothing new, though. I have been failing at this for decades now. Failure and I are pretty good frenimies.
I failed to get my certifications for work. I never was able to find the drive and determination needed to buckle down.
Plantar faciitis sucks. The more my body mass increased, the more foot pain. Debilitating foot pain. However, this is a very good incentive to get my fat ass in gear and drop some excess baggage!
In 2017, I have come to accept the fact some relationships shall remain at the ‘Acquaintance Level’ even though they should be at the ‘Immediate Family Level’. I do not like it. Not. One. Damn. Bit. However, I do accept it.
In 2017, I have moved further away from social media. I hard watch the news. The world is changing. In many ways, I am not so sure it is for the better.
In 2017, there was a very important reminder driven home: Life is a brief and fleeting moment. It is so incredibly important to let our loved ones know how much they are loved for they can leave this world in the blink of an eye. We never know if the last time we saw or spoke to him/her is going to be the very last time.
During a recent conversation with my mom, she reminded me that a loved one is never truly gone until they are no longer remembered or spoken of. It is why, even though we never met him, we know of our Uncle Michael. He died in a fire when he was 12 and my mom was 11, long before any of us (my siblings and I) were born. Uncle Michael was very much a part of our lives. As a fact, he still is.
Circling back to family members being acquaintances . . . I feel what really drove it home for me was a Christmas Card we received. It was signed “The <InsertLastName>” My husband did not say anything about it. I am not even sure he even noticed. I did not say anything to him about it. I doubt I ever will. It would only hurt him. He gets that enough from this person as it is without me adding to it.
In 2017, I have decided to stop hoping for a better relationship for my husband (or me for that matter). I am done trying to make certain members of the family feel included. The olive branches have been extended for several years. They will remain extended. They will just not be replaced with fresh ones.
So, 2017 essentially turned out to be a wash. The gain of my grandson was tempered with the loss of my father-in-law. I ended up not meeting any of my goals. However, I have not torn myself to shreds over it as I have done in the past.
For 2018, I am going to set tiny goals. This way, I am not setting myself up for failure.
2018: The Year of Baby Steps